Life/Writing {a poem}

Our pastor has been talking the last few weeks about Spiritual Confidence–the fact that it comes from knowing who God is …and who you are.
Here’s what I know about me:

I hate it that I am so sporadic

Inconsistent, not persistent,
         no straight ahead in a line to the finish.
I’m distracted, side-tracked
Stops and starts, mis-matched piles,
Can’t remember the whats and whens.
No perfect files, labeled loudly
I  A M  I N  C O N T R O L.
I feign at neatness, completeness escaping me
Ever in process, a mess in the making.
Oh, why can’t I be like those orderly others,
Those finishers perfectly packing their lives in a box,
the rank and file, who smile
     at me, “Oh poor thing, she’s so erratic.”
I am resigned to the whole of me,
My hits and misses
Marking a difference,
Scattering joy, seeds abound.
I cannot ( do not) go in a straight line,
A to B then on to Z.
I like this formula better:
A cubed to D once plus E squared
then back to A and jump to N, then ….
well, I’ll decide how to spell my life
even if I write forever.

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