Several ideas swirled in my head about what to write this week–sentiments wrapped up in carefully selected words to leave my readers smiling or encouraged or… approving? But I decided to take a chance and just be real about where I’m at–I know my Father is okay with that. I hope you will be, too.
First thing in the morning is a terrible time to have a fight with your husband. (And is there a GOOD time to have a fight with your husband? Let me know on that one, okay?)
I’ve been going around the same bend in the same blasted circle for so many years you think I’d be more Jesus-like about it, but I’m not. Another rut in the road of my refusing to give an inch. I leave the house for my summer tutoring job, promising my husband my forever love, (regardless of my actions to the contrary), the ‘meh’ taste of untruths and anger in my gut.
I’m having a conversation with myself in the car. Words like ‘thick-headed’ and ‘stubborn’ come to mind. And then the word ‘hypocrite’. Gosh, you sang on the Worship Team just yesterday and lifted your hands in praise like you were full of Jesus’ presence. Now this?
You prayed with a woman in the store the other day and now this?
You’ve been bragging about abiding in Jesus and His presence for weeks now, and now this?
How in the world can you even call yourself a Christian and act like that?
After I repent (AGAIN) for the same sin and ask the Holy Spirit for HIS strength, not my own, a bit of peace edges in my heart, but I’m still not quite convinced.
I mean, can I be forgiven that quickly? Does a do-over really start now? Is Jesus’ grace really enough for what I need when I’ve blown it?
Yes you can. Yes it does. Yes it is.
I’m resting, clinging, counting on that vine……….
Abiding, still, trusting in another new morning.
Jesus just won’t let me go.
John 15:8
“By this my Father is glorified,
that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.”
Hi Jody … actually, it was your first line that really hit me … how often do we write what we write for approval / comments / rising stats …
Appreciating your transparency!
Oh, we are SO blessed with our Saviour's care, yes? Thanks for commenting.
xoxo
Jody, thanks so much for your realness. I, too, wonder why I'm sometimes beset by the Galloping Grouchies. I know we're supposed to resolve disagreements & misunderstandings, not just ignore them. But it can be hard to “resolve” when I'm really just convinced I am right and Mr. Wonderful is WRONG.
I'm thankful that, as you point out, “Jesus just won't let me go.”
Nancy, I'll have to think about that……….the words are perfect. I'll ask the Holy Spirit to give me a tune. 🙂 Thank you for your kind words.
“So I can grow in the fullness of repentance.” Yes to that!
Oh, yes. I have so asked those same questions of myself. I am grateful when grace takes full hold of me and shushes those voices so I can grow in the fullness of repentance.
A sweet-spirited post, Jody. Listen: you may not be perfected in all areas yet (Do you know ANYONE who is?!, but you certainly have well-devloped humility and honesty. And those last three lines sound like they could be a song. Have you tried composing?!
I get this, Jody. I've been a believer for how long and I still do some of the same things? Fall into the same traps? Yep. Grace saves us each time. Some blocks are tougher to chip away at, but being aware of it is progress in itself. Blessings to you, friend. I love your honesty.
YES, indeed.
Fondly,
Glenda
I'm glad we're not the only “old married couple” that still butts heads! Love to you, friend.