Idols I know–those man made (me made?) forms–lifeless, a poor rendering of the real. Not-gods I’ve erected to take THE God’s place.
Yes, these I know–overeating, too much chocolate, shopping when I don’t need to for clothes I already have. For many, many years in my walk with Jesus I was an expert at avoidance, steering myself in any other direction but towards the God I said I loved.
Kind of silly when I know I was created to connect with Him. There were definitely some gaps in our relationship for way too long.
But He pursued me, wooing me with His Spirit, calling me back. Five years ago this month I had a powerful, personal, on my face encounter with God that radically changed my love life. Laughter on the carpet for 15 minutes. Seriously.
Back in my room, my first response to this God with whom I had to do was to repent. Repent from my sins, the avoidance, the justifications, the running away to shop–the sin of pursuing other gods, for that’s what it was.
After repentance, there was a cleansing. I felt like I could breathe again (had I been holding my breath all these years, or living on stale air?)
My desire for God’s presence intensified, my love for His Word increased. My spare moments were filled with time for Jesus, the words He spoke over me and to me filled pages in my journal, the revelation of His Word rocked my world daily.
And then I found Facebook.
Now, how ironic that the very avenue which has opened up a myriad of doors to connect virtually–and in real life–with like-minded people would also be my undoing.
Well duh, why not?
I often justify the involvement (and if we are Facebook friends, please excuse me in advance), “Why, I’m building relationships, advancing the kingdom, making connections, sharing Jesus. Isn’t the Internet grand?”
But here’s where I find my falling down.
I’d much rather jump into a conversation about tea or the weather or get carried away joining a mutual rant-a-thon than click the red “X” and maybe miss something that was said. There is a tempting trail of words that pull me in, distract me and hand me empty. Not bad, just well, empty.
Now, if you know me online please realize this is not about you, because I love you all, I truly do. This time it IS all about me. About what the Holy Spirit is refining in me, re-focusing, re-everything in me.
I can’t live the Jody life God called me to if I’m all wrapped up in your life.
I need to get my OWN life, the one Jesus promised me when I turn away from that idol Monsieur FB and walk towards the life God has right in front of me.
It could be a walk in the woods nearby or a walk out on my deck. Or even a walk to the other side of the room away from a screen. Maybe I should be doing the dishes and praying FOR you instead of chatting with you.
Perhaps I need time alone to think, read the Word, ask my Jesus what He would say–because He’s got an opinion. Or maybe I just need to sit and listen to Him smile. (You can hear him smile, right?).
That’s what I truly long for. That’s what I’m made for.
Sometimes I just forget.
This post is linked with Emily for Imperfect Prose and also part of the series for Jennifer Lee’s book Love Idol, releasing April 1st. (Available on Amazon March 21st).